Girls Rule

One summer day, I was walking down the block toward home when I came upon a cluster of little girls I recognized setting up a folding table in front of one of their homes.  Ooh, a lemonade stand I thought.  But when I got closer,  Fiona yelled “Do you want to buy some art?  We’re having an art sale!”  

I’m fond of these girls. They’re cousins who live next door to each other Their grandma lives across the street.  Four year old sister Penelope has been bossing her grandma around since she could talk.  She was  never satisfied with the speed or direction of her stroller rides. Her six year old sister Kennedy is quiet and shy. She barely looked up to acknowledge me when we’d crossed paths before.  Four year old cousin Lydia keeps a close eye on people passing by and comments on their attire.  “I like your scarf.”  Her six year old sister Fiona is clearly the boss and it’s common to hear the others screaming “Fiona!” at the top of their lungs.  The little boys on the block fear them.  I have seen more than one fleeing in tears.  Some of the neighbors refer to them as the “pussy posse” but I have mad respect for their fierce bond.

So when they asked if I wanted to buy their art I said, “Of course,  What do you have?”

“Oh, we don’t have anything yet,” said Fiona. “What would you like us to draw?” 

“Could you draw a picture of Penelope?” I asked.  Sassy Penelope is so cute with her hair styled into two adorable puff balls.  

“Sure,” said Fiona, “that will be $5.”  

“No, Fiona!” I hear her grandma yell from the door.  “That’s too much!”  We both chuckle.  

“I’ll give you one dollar but I have to go home to get my money.  I’ll come back in a little while.”  

I went home, had a snack and returned to the big art sale with my dollar.  There was a lot of furious drawing going on with colored pencils but it wasn’t done yet.  So I walked around the block again.  

My drawing was still not done and there were no other customers in sight.  “OK.  I’ll come back a little later.” Back home, I sat down with my lap top to check emails.  About 5 minutes in, I hear furious pounding on the front door.  It was the girls.  At last my art is done, I thought.  I didn’t even have the door open an inch when the four of them muscled their way in.  They split up in different directions all over the house. Penelope  was in my bedroom stroking the brightly colored quilt on my bed.  Lydia was checking out the bathroom and opening and closing drawers. Kennedy was admiring the abstract art in my living room.  Fiona opened my refrigerator and asked if I had any snacks.  “I have some grapes,” I offered and they descended upon them like vultures. I was happy to share but shocked by their boldness.

“Well, let me see the drawing of Penelope.” I demanded.  “Fiona wrecked it,” said Kennedy with a sob.  I could see that someone had scribbled out Penelope’s darling brown puff balls with a red pencil.  Oh well.  I wasn’t expecting a Rembrandt.  Just trying to support local artists.  So, I produced my $1 and handed it over to Fiona.  

“Don’t you have any more money?” she asked.  

“No,” I said.  

“What about the other person who lives here?” Fiona said with a sneer.

 “He’s not home right now.”

  “Can’t you steal it from him?”  No!  “What about jewelry?”  

That was the last straw.

“Ok.  Thank you for the drawing. It’s time to go girls,” I said.  

Fiona took my dollar and they fled like a pack of hyenas in search of their next victim.  I collapsed into my armchair baffled by their audacity.  And then I dissolved into a fit of laughter.  I can’t believe this just happened!  Yet I admire their fearlessness.  I thought about telling their grandma all about it the next time I saw her but decided I didn’t want to do anything to get them in trouble.  Grandma wouldn’t give them more than a stern lecture but I was just a little afraid of the possible repercussions for being a snitch.  

I’ve lived in this neighborhood for over 20 years and I love it.  It’s the kind of neighborhood where people shovel snow for their older neighbors, where there’s a steady stream of conscientious dog walkers, where multiple little free libraries flourish.  But mostly, it’s a neighborhood where girls rule.   I kept that messy colored pencil drawing of Penelope on my refrigerator as a reminder of that fact for the next year.  

Lydia and Penelope

Condom Mom Part 2: Condom Grandma

I gave my two oldest grandsons (15 and 17) condoms for Christmas this year.  Not like wrapped with a bow in front of people or anything weird.  I just brought them over one day when they were home alone.  I wanted them to be able to ask me questions that they might not ask with a parent in the house.  But when I presented them each with a box of Trojan value packs, they were nonchalant.  

“Thanks, grandma,” they said and stared at their phones. I asked if they had any questions. 

 “No.”  

I asked if they had ever seen one out of the wrapper.  

“No.”  

So, I did what I did with my son Ben decades ago. “Pay attention” I said and I got a banana from the kitchen, opened a condom, and rolled it down the banana to demonstrate.  That made them giggle.  I explained that I wasn’t encouraging them to have sex.  That I hoped they would wait as long as possible.  

“But when the time comes, I want you to be prepared,” I said.  “Okay, see you later,” they said.

Recently, I was spending an evening with my 12 year old grandson.  We were watching a horror movie, his favorite genre, when out of the blue, he asked, “Grandma, how old were you when you had dad?”

“18,” I said as a look of sheer terror spread over his face.  

“I knew you were young,” he said, “but I thought you were at least 20!”

And then he asked,  “How did that happen?!!!”

“Well,” I said, “you had that class in school about how babies are made, right?”

“Yeah,” he said, “but how did it happen?”

“Well,” I said, “did they teach you about birth control?  Things like condoms?”

“Dad told me about them,” he said and a surge of pride for my son Sam lit my face.  

“Didn’t use one,” I said, “that’s how it happened.”  

Bronson just shrugged and went back to watching the movie.  Maybe because it was a little less scary than this conversation.  

And I vow to continue my quest to make sure none of mine are as unprepared as I once was.